I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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