Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
