I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
