More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So many bounce houses so little time
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
