She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
