planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize