He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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