Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
