Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
