omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Holy sore nipples Batman
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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