Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
