so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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