i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
