dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
