Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You can't special order awesome
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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