Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dicks are not precious.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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