Nicole vs. Life
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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