I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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