So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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