There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Shame - the story of my life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
