I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
