some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
