I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
