I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
