I'm lost and stupid without you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
