so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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