Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
