Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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