you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
