I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
