from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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