Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
