She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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