Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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