finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize