2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
