i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
