Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
