i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
