Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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