The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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