i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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