I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
