I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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