it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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