Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
