so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
