I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
