Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
