Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
