Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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