DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Everclear isn't food dammit
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
