ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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