my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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