So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
