Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
