We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
