i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
