I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
