i think my tv is drunk
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
