the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
