hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
