i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize