How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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