I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
