dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They have beer where we have blood.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
