First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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