Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
