He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The adults are the big ones right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
