this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize