Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
