All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
