fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
