I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
