he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
