you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
