In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize