remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
