AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
