I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
